Chess is such an intriguing game! Predictions, knowing moves ahead, what will happen, strategy, mind game, ……. and confusing! It’s such a complicated game. I have no strategy. I barely know what the different pieces can do. To me, it just plain luck. How can anyone be moves ahead on a game like this, …. And having a strategy is unfathomable.
Do you have some friends, that if you say “good morning!” to, you can count on them to say “good morning” back to you? Of course, now, can you take it one step further? “How was your weekend?” Can you get them to stop and talk to you for a minute? If you have made the coffee or tea, could you get them take a beverage? ….. Could you have predicted that in advance?
I’m going to guess, you have the predictive power of at least three moves ahead: “good morning”, talk about weekend, take or not take a beverage. In fact, there are people that are so predictable (and bother you), you comment, “Oh no, here we go again!”
My son will come into the room and with a goofy grin, wave at me. If I just say, “hello”, he keeps waving and grinning until I wave back. Even if I’m typing, he will continue, until I wave back. You might say he has predicted an outcome and he is going to get it. That is, he can’t force me what to do, but he can keep exercising his “control point”. Being 7 steps ahead, doesn’t mean you are letting it happen all by chance. You have your part to play as well!
When you go out for an evening with a friend, you have a goal to have a good evening. You may not have any idea what state or situation your friend is coming from, but you have a goal, a prediction. This will not happen all by itself, you have your role as well: your “control points”. You know your friend and he knows you. You both are exercising your “control points” or things that you can do, to have a good evening.
The understanding of science, let’s us put together systems, just like our friendships, to get a desired result. They are predictable. If you know the science or know the person, you can plan ahead, observe and add your influence and predict. Now science doesn’t really change, but humans, creatures of habit do. But over the short term, humans are very predictable, …. especially if you exercise your “control points” or things that you can do to influence the outcome.
Disneyland is just a place, but kids and parents can exercise their “control points” and predict or create a great time! How many places can you predict? When you go to work, you can predict. When you drive to work, what can you predict? When you come home from work, what can you predict? When you go out to a certain place to eat, what can you predict? We do this in a heartbeat. We go to bed Sunday night, predicting the next week of work in our head. Is it good? Great? Bad? ….or worse?
If there is a difference between what you want and what you predict, are you strategizing to take better advantage of your “control points”? Do you even know your “control points”? You might know the end result, but the steps to get there, what happens? Do you even know the final step that gives it the “checkmate”? That is do you know what makes it a good or bad week?
That’s me with Chess. I know I’m supposed to get his King, but how? I have no clue. What are the steps, the strategies, my “control points”. I’m just hoping at the end something happens and I can get his King, when he messes up. Am I counting on luck or accidents? If you were driving to work, would you just start driving hoping your work would show up before you ran out of gas or money on your credit card. I don’t thinks so. You know where it is, create a strategy and use your “control points: to guide your car to your work.
Your car, your friend all have such user friendly “control points”. You are a creature of habit and drive your car on automatic, hardly thinking as you listen to the music, talk to a friend, think about something, …. Your friend is so great, because you can let yourself go and just be you and automatically, you end up with a great time together. It all works, as we have the habit machinery, the systems, that exercise our “control points” to get a predictable outcome.
Now it is predictable, something we can count on, like “Disneyland”, that we enjoy or get to our desired or predictable outcome. It’s like “chemistry”. That is what we call it when two people hit it off, “right”? Just like science, very predictable, if you know how it works and you exercise your “control points”. That’s the key: creatures of habit have habit machines that allow for the chemistry. Without the habit machinery, there is no chemistry. You can’t change the other person. You can get some “chemistry” machinery for your “control points”, and all of a sudden, you will have “chemistry” with that person.
Conversations work best with open ended questions? Question that require more than a one or two word answer: “What was it like to be treated like that?” Me, I would just ask: “Did you like being treated like that? (Yes, No) That’s the habit machinery I have. My wife can talk for hours asking and listening for clues for more open ended questions. Conversations with me: predictably short. Conversations with my wife: predictably long. It’s just the machinery or chemistry we create with our machinery.
What does your day look like? What does your week look like? What does your month look like? At some level you know what it is going to be like. You are a predictor. Would you like a little more control? Control seems to forceful, like it’s controlling me. If I try to get what I’d like, it just seems awful and hard. It just seems easier to let it be and hope for the best. I mean there is so much I don’t control. I know how to get to work, but any more, ….. I have no idea. It seems so impossible, I don’t even know what I would want, if I could control it.
How to lead from one point, to another point, to another point, to another point …. To a predictable desirable result. Like driving my car to work. I might have to make adjustments for construction, closed road or constructions. But, I can still do it, even if it’s not all perfect. Hey, I’m good with my car, I’ve done it a lot. >>> Clue, Clue, Clue >>> you get better at predicting with practice.
Chemistry, cars, friendships, ….. And I’m sure you have some more: cooking, making your bed, washing your clothes, showering, …. more …. all very predictable. You have habit machinery for it. You at one time strategized and put together a system to make it happen. You did them unconsciously or at least almost unconsciously. That is you have a habit machine doing this for you. It’s this machine we are going to work on.
Kids learn to draw when they are young. Stick figures are the Picasso. Some people continue and move beyond this level and become artists, most don’t. Most of us are at the stick figure level with our predictable, chess like, chemistry like interactions with life. We can get the basic things handled, but can’t seem to get a handle on bigger areas of our life. It’s not that we can’t. It’s that we have stopped at the stick figure level.
Are you brave enough to present yourself with a new or better desired outcome? Have you strategized, like you do for washing your clothes or getting ready in the morning? Do you see the “control points”? Do you have the habit machinery to make those “control points” work? Are you actively building new habit machinery to make the chemistry more powerful?
We are creatures of habit. We are so predictable. Our fellow creatures of habit are so predictable. The physical world is so predictable. That’s why knowledge is power! The understanding of all this predictable stuff? …. But we all know it is the “USE” of knowledge that is power! …. Then we know figuring out how to use this knowledge productively takes creativity and innovation! That’s why, the argument that the true power is “Imagination”. Let’s just say they all “work” together. Or as has been said, success is hard work or 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! Work then is it! Work combined with knowledge, inspiration or imagination and getting back up the 99 times it fails before we get it right! YIKES! How did I ever learn how to drive my car to work! …. In other words slow down quite being such a wimp! You are amazing, if you practice and work at it a little?
If a child is raised in an abusive environment, he is most likely to be abusive also. If a child is raised in a professional environment, he is most likely going to be professional. We have to say “most likely” because the child has “control points” that can change how he turns out. Teachers, coaches, friends are often given credit for the result. We can all look back at how we were raised and see how we got trained to be the person we are now. We might be able to see some of the places we exercised our “control points”.
Could you predict who you would be today and the control points you exercised to get there? Can you look at children today, their environment, the control points they seem to be exercising and predict their future? First borns, middle child, baby in the family have many predictable results. There is so many predictable outcomes, but what are the control points? Are these control points taught in school? By parents? In church? They all know predictions and even control points, …… but how do you get the habit machinery to use the control points?
We have been trained to resist the training of this habit machinery because we feel “they” are trying to force us somewhere we don’t want to go. We are forced to go to school and forced to learn stuff we don’t want to learn. We have our defenses up! We have been trained helpless and know only they can train us, yet we don’t want their training. We feel so stuck! We need to take on the responsibility of training ourselves. In driving the car or getting ready for work we strategize and developed solid control points. We need to set objective or desifred predictions, start strategizing and developing habit machinery to use our “control points” and drive our life to where we want to go.
Start by driving 10 minutes of your life. Then a different 10 minutes, then a different 10 minutes. Now combine it into 30 minutes. Keep going? What does your week look like? Keep gauging this as you develop and see it move to a more exciting level. Moves ahead, predictions, “control points” are going to make the Chess of your life most intriguing!
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